Tag Archives: Relationships

The Age of Rude ?

She stared through my face as if she never saw me –  stunned, I waited. Maybe there was a mistake. Maybe I was expecting too much, but the woman wouldn’t look at me, wouldn’t acknowledge my presence. It was as if I did not exist.

The next day we met again, this time in an auditorium. She talked to everyone else, but not even a nodding good-morning hint at me, as if I weren’t there.  These were new family friends, not even distant relatives, no histories exchanged. No I hadn’t stolen her best dress at school, no I wasn’t an artist rival, nothing. She was a mom like me, a citizen of this same earth, but she wouldn’t look at me.

Its possible she was just tired, or thought I had nothing of use to say to her, or be. Is possible she was having a bad day, is possible she was ill, is possible she didn’t like my face, or hairstyle, or work.

But the question followed me all day and night, it stood there between my mirror and me the next morning, it sat in my toothpaste and hair brush, my shoes and sandwich.

I asked my family if I was unlikable, I asked the dishes and newspapers, asked my morning tea and sadding– heart. Yeah Sadding. Like Madding Crowd. 

This morning, I looked at images from 2016, and most of them were images of loneliness. Someone somewhere was either hurtful or being hurt. Where are the dancers and restaurateurs ? The movers and shakers are all earthquake or badder news. You must pardon my grammer, its the way I feel today.

What makes a person Rude ? ss-161216-yip-18_d9b16fd06c848a2e90e3d649508758d6-nbcnews-ux-1024-900

What makes a nation Rude  ?
Why is there hate enough to birth students of Hate ? I do not know, but look at the pictures. There’s a few left, waiting for Hope

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I’m ashamed to even complain of small insults …. …

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What made something as beautiful as a human heart, such a refugee

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We spare no one, nothing, to bless our own business

The day will come, only the dead will be envied. ss-161216-yip-17_d1a89f3c20634ba4f5070806a97c45d2-nbcnews-ux-1024-900

Are we prepared ? Sure, this isn’t about Christmas trees. Should it ?

It’s a ‘ madding crowd ‘  like T/ Harding said. 🙂 We ache for Laughter. We are thirsty for real food, we hurt for naked joys – we are beggars of joy, peace. Sellers of smiles, agents of change like never before. We do not mean to be Rude. We just dont know any other way to get through the day.  There are ravines between us. Misunderstanding. Gossip. Evil schedules, agenda. we murder with sweet tongues. ss-161216-yip-43_b9bc04da4ce709297b898c6d66a0781c-nbcnews-ux-1024-900

These are the days we should cherish though. Colours have never been this beautiful. Movies, music, books, people, speeches – they are all pretty moving.

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We as a human race are more sensitive than ever before, more shaken, more privileged, more torn, more wise, more expressive, more cunning, shrewd, street smart, savvy, we are sharper, richer, faster, we are at our most beautiful, yes we are….

ss-161216-yip-14_ac305bcd00109045f2d8afa7700d200a-nbcnews-ux-1024-900ss-161216-yip-50_b9bc04da4ce709297b898c6d66a0781c-nbcnews-ux-1024-900                                                                                                                                Break through my Harsh ! God, we may not be Good enough for each other, but remind us that we as a Human Race are Indispensable ?                                                                                      424665_406549232738048_1671826253_n

Gift me a Smile, that I may give another today. I seem to have run out of Apps.

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Arrested

5 am day 3 pray

In the Quiet, Peace arrested me. 

Here there are no words or requests, just a being, a balance between things you know and do not. A willingness to see more, but after a while my eyes shut so tight I could not see. That was, is the real me, unwilling.

How strong my will is, did you ever guess, how strong.

http://raeindia.wordpress.com/2014/02/05/praying-drives-me-crazy/
RN Water colour

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Little steps in the dark

In the auditorium at Jyoti Seva School for the Blind* fourth floor there are 60 of us – 50 ? Unsure. Maybe more. I take off my foot wear and search for words as one of the kids grins wide. They are eager, and cannot wait.

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I have worked with kids at a few levels, but this time it feels I am learning, in this place that is like a piece of heaven. Dearest Lord God almighty, little butterflies fill my stomach and heart. Outside it is Venkateshpura, Bangalore at its’ busiest. Little lanes cartwheeling with vegetable vendors and bullocks, women in burkhas, men in welders’ shops. Every vehicle in Bangalore city seems to be here, and I find it hard to understand how the Polish Prime Minister found his way into these tiny lanes for that visit a few years ago. But then God can do anything.

Sis G (music teacher ) and I  try a few voice routines ; what footwork will work on stage ? This is the very first time for me, for Jyothi Seva, dance and music, even drama is no big deal. I have many ideas, and Sis G among other amazing Daughters of Love here, ( Francescan ) are so generous with my various plans :  some amount of fun- drama : show casing Daily Living Skills, Physiotherapy rings, Hoops, Trampoline, a ladder and a mock door through which six of their best will dance out, onto a mock street scene thick with cut out ( thermocol/cardboard )auto rickshaws, city bus, a cow, a bullock cart, vendors, and two sighted artful pickpockets ) Am I nervous ? Am terrified ! Sis G. the music teacher grins at me.

These are not just any kids, these are 85 + blind kids, brilliant, some do stunning vocals, and oh they can dance !  They are sharp, quick-witted and don’t you arrive without a proper plan.

One tiny tot ( aged 5?) thinks it is time to break the ice. She holds my hand and says, ” Aunty Ray, first you clap !”  Her little face peers up at me thru’ a fringe, then with her small palm in mine she stands on her toes and asks,  ” You are Johann’s Mama, no ?”

” Yes baby”, I nod feeling utterly speechless. How big is God’s university of Life. How infinite His love that we should all be called children of God. How little I deserve to see such beauty thru’ the eyes of little Angels.

We sit in a circle and chat till lunch break. It is boiled rice with potato/ carrot gravy, an omelette and steel mug with cool cool water, little aprons tied to their waist, around neck ; later everyone stacks their plates away and rinses their spoon at low sinks with tiny taps shining in the noon light.

Am humbled by the talent in these kids, humbled by how little I know about their world though our own son is blind and though I’ve been here so many times doing what one can with Personality Development : Uh. Am startled that all our words that try to be ‘ be somebody’ are still so uniquely variant with each individual – and startled is such a limp word.

Aruna ( 9 years old ) is amazingly acrobatic. Am thinking, this one should do a cart-wheel right across stage – can we pull that off ? The 6 minute- choreography underlines Confidence; not something I had planned to think or say , but as we met again, the word came out firm and quiet and firm. ” Look kids, this is more than just about doing a step and I know you are all great dancers and actors, but we’re going to show the world the confidence with which you go out the front door, right ?”

They aren’t jumping for joy but they each nod in quiet as if  glad I’ve finally got it.

” Alright, before we break now, let’s run through some emotions, okay?”

” OHHHHHKAY !”  ( phew)

“Right. JSSchool, can you show us some SAD ?”

Uh uh – the room is too happy to handle that. 2 seconds later they are rolling into each other with laughter. Not anything I could do or say to make them show me ‘SAD’ – what d’you say to that?

As I wrap this Post am uncertain how to end this Post. I wish I could fill this space with pictures.

Outside the gates of JSSchool for the Blind the world is thick with debate on politics, crime. Here we have to work hard at happy face-smile- lines, we have to work out routines that display Goodness, Honesty, Gentleness, Talents…

I’ve brought home a few lessons in those hours spent with kids who cannot see, some have been abandoned, some have parents that do not want them home, others go home on holidays…  what I’ve seen is a thirst for the world outside their gate ;  they love the feel of fabric, footwear, perfume and little things in my bag, my bangles and watch, the buttons in my shirt,dearest dearest Lord God what am I feeling but a huge sense of a Universe so vast I am gagging to grasp it all. How many more people are there in this world in dimensions we haven’t even begun to come near – and what kind of song could I choose to fit into Choreography to show case their life – words that will match, tunes that are rhythms of their life… the reality of their life – what can I teach that I must first learn, live, inhale, digest.

They sang for me , ” Bright Eyes,” ” Tomorrow”, a few songs in Kannada that sounded like heaven – raw sweet voices without the sin of assumption. I just hope and pray the world they grow into will not be a place ridden with power games and disguised crime. That they, all our kids, will be able to cross the street unafraid, pay their own electricity bill and at least one other persons’, with the ability to make each other unafraid…

I have run out of words, but hope and pray oneday you too will find heaven in the lesser known lanes and homes where God’s own babies wait to tell us their story. I hope and pray this world will understand the language of the Father as He sings over our blinded senses. My words are not enough to describe the way I feel – I hope you understand what I have tried to express.

Thank you for reading this.

*Jyothi Seva School for the Blind, Bangalore

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What d’you mean ‘Defyd’ ?

Top Post on IndiBlogger

 

Give me more

Show me you care, that you are real,

that you walk

where angels fear to tread,

that thru these Times of hate and so much unsaid,

you care beyond the visible things ;maybe some place you broke, even just a bit, died inside and rose again, said what you might never have unless you were Defy’d

these are more than Songs …

/ more @ http://raeindia.wordpress.com/2014/01/31/def-yd-no-illusions/

https://soundcloud.com/def-yd/sets/defyd

 

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If I had this one thing

How beautiful the Feet of those who spread good news – on the mountains of division, discouragement, despair*;

see, though I speak with the voice of an angel and have not love, I am a clanging cymbal a noise in the wilderness, a desert in a stream ;

if I give my body to be burned and sell all my wares for charity but have no love in all my ‘speaking’, I am no reminder of One who  is patient, kind, endures, does not keep account of wrong, is forgiving, does not gossip, nor tears out anothers’  existence for personal agenda…

if I ran every mountain, won every war for the good of humanity but within I have words of hate, what am I what am I –

but if we had this one thing,  I think of all we could accomplish against all odds, among these places of derision, hate, division ; we might say to this and that mountain, Go fall in the sea and it would obey, if I had the Power of true love,

true love.

….

(* from Mathew Henry’s concordance, Song of Songs ); this Post inspired by verse in the Bible.

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O Perfect Love

His letters wrapt in leaves and tree –

every vein a message for not just me

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‘Birds born in cage think flying is a …

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Indian Tribe RN

What was wrong : that I was a woman, that I talked, objected, asked questions ? That I am left-handed, that I speak up ….whaaaaaaaaat ?!

” We are different cultures, ” he was now saying and I failed to see how, seeing that I too am South Indian but that my parents gave me the freedom to say it like it was ; there were no sons in our home, except dad and he taught us to walk tall, “Girls please wear pants it’s safer than skirts or that sari!”

Now I had this man staring hatred asking me who I thought I was to say anything at all, which gets me writing this post after all these years. Yes, it takes a while to remember/ know who one is. I’ll say this.

Most Indians are taught two things : One, to try be good and two, respect elders. Somewhere between that, there is the tendency to  push self into a back-back-back of the backiest closet, lock the door and throw away the keys. What will the neighbours think if you object to them throwing garbage all over the place ? Open front door with a smile and welcome even if they knocked your door bell silly, be a great hostess, never confront people, time will take care of it..

This was a few years ago, and I had to let a so called ‘ friend ‘ go, because they took friendship past the point of decency, because it got to a gender issue where women weren’t supposed to speak up. Which breed of humanity dehumanizes women ? 

I’m asking.

( And lets not blame just ‘culture’ anymore. Our grandparents were beautiful people and there are things in our traditional values that still bless us. What is questionable is some contemporaries, not just Indian, who are killers of body, soul, mind, and they won’t stop with women).

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The way he loves

dentistry-scripture-bit

He sent me flowers, songs, words and tune, silences and chord ; but not till he forgave me and loved me again as if I were the best one e’er born yet, not till then did I understand the height, the depth the width and endless expanse of Love that leaves no boundary

of a Love that covers every little wrong, as if nothing happened at all. I will not take that for granted ever again, nor forget, that’s the way He loves,

He loves…

..

http://raeindia.wordpress.com/2014/01/23/scarred-by-love/

..

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‘Yes, but don’t go.’

Last night, all plates and dishes put away, the lights low in the bedroom where our youngest son went into his blanket ; the girls were yet to fall asleep, I peeped in at Joh, and he lifted that dark head calling me for a second kiss, then a whisper –

“Ma,I feel lonely.”

My heart missed a few beats ; it had been a long two months, there had been illness, a trip, school year starting over, uniforms that did not fit, unfinished assignments, a lingering cough and so many unfinished things…

“Why son ? We’re all here aren’t we ?”

“When you ‘re all busy with other things, I feel lonely,sometimes. “

Speechless, I hugged him close, closer, a third a fourth kiss.“You feel good now ?” 

“Yes, but don’t go.” He said nothing after that just smiled and the room filled with feelings I have no words for.

Human touch. How abused, misunderstood those two words are : and so very easy to ignore in all our busy-ness. We sat there an hour, not just Joh and me, but all five of us, an hour in that quiet gentle dark as the little ones fell asleep.

Dearest Lord God, the worst disease on earth : ‘loneliness’ and such a simple cure right from the mouth of Babes.

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When Questions are Answers

How dense the city, how wide the littlest petal, inside..

Picture Courtesy :Pranoti Kumar

Related Post http://raeindia.wordpress.com/2014/01/17/prayer-can-empower/

 

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